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Dearest Flora….


I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. The lockdown sucks. I’m bored and stuck at home. I bought the flat upstairs from me so I could knock through and turn it back into one house, then I remembered I live on the Isle of Wight where the utility services and tradespeople play that famous traditional game of Not Turning Up. Haha! Honestly. It’s so much fun. Or they play that other game of Turning Up But Never Sending The Quote. Oh man! That’s a hoot. Will they? Won’t they? Aw you guys. You’ve got me in stitches here. Great times.

However, in a wild attempt at staying busy, I am working hard away at my desk. Both on new material, and on The Undead 25. I got loads done on 25 last week and will do more when I can. I also wrote a whole new story last year DURING THAT OTHER FUN LOCKDOWN, which my super agent and I are currently trying to flog to publishers.

Anywho. The point is lockdown sucks and things are crap and boring and everyone is snappy and grouchy, and then some mofo changed the clocks so now we’re all out of sync by an hour. And then this morning – I get the following message from someone called Flora. (Love that name by the way. I’m totally going to have a character called Flora somewhere soon)

Now – I don’t ever publish messages sent to me. But I’m grumpy as shit, so I’ll pop it on below with my reply to her. Just in case it helps anyone else with burning questions…Her message is included in its full state too. There’s not even a Dearest Haywood The Author intro. I know. It makes me sad too. Go blow a goat.

Flora’s message:

I just finished the Extinct series. The 3rd book proved to be a disappointment and left me with tons of questions. 1) are Miri and Mother related(sisters), 2) why no additional info about Miri’s son or background, 3) why the care taken with microbes at the Bunker not observed anywhere else, 4) what’s up with Kate (is she the next villain), 5) what about the 3 (Alpha, Bravo & Kate) left in 1945 Berlin, 6) will there be a fourth book. I have more questions but I’ll lead with these.

And here’s my reply:

Dearest Flora, I just finished reading your email which proved to be a disappointment and left me with an itchy foot. I guess I can only apologise that I wrote a book that wasn’t to your exact specifications. Perhaps, in the future, and to avoid such calamities as your sufferance of disappointment, you could furnish all of the writers in the world with your exact literary requirements. Then we’d all know. You could list them like you did you with your questions. Or maybe use bullet points, or you know,  you could create a telepathic link so that we can all just know. Then we’d all be like “Ah yeah! We’ve been doing it wrong all this time. Flora wants it this way. Gotcha!” But anywho. To answer your questions:
  1. Miri is the mother to Mother, but Mother is also the mother to Miri as well as to herself. In fact, Mother is mother to Mother and Miri. I hope that helps.

  2. Miri’s son, or, as we now know, Mother’s son, that being the mother to the son of Miri the mother the Mother, actually decided to live in a Yurt in the motherland of Mongolia, like totally off the grid and as far away from the internet as possible to avoid being harassed with questions about Mother’s mother being mothered by Miri.

  3. I hoped you are braced for this…because….Mother is also the mother of the microbes! I know right. What a twist. Mother is mothering the molecular microbes, but she went too far and became a smothering mother so they also ran away to live in Yurts in Microbolia.

  4. I’m so glad you asked after Kate. She’s fine thanks. It’s her laundry and chores day today. She says hi though and what’s up! She’s undecided on the villain / hero career path right now. The global pandemic has slowed the need up for evil geniuses. She’s on furlough anyway, and you know, just happy to potter along. She’s writing a book actually (just like the other 7 billion people on lockdown). How To Decorate Your Yurt by Kate. She said it helps with not quite knowing if her Mother is her mother or if Miri is the mother to Mother which then brings in a whole new Grandmother situation.

  5. Alpha and Bravo (you already know Kate is having a laundry day) are in 1945 trying to round up those pesky Microbes. The ones that didn’t want to set up in Yurts in Microbolia. The other ones wanted to join in with the evil Axis powers to create a Microutopia where Microbes become the ruling elite all led by the mysterious Mother, who is the mother to Miri. I’ll tell them you asked after them when they pop back. That’s if they ever pop back.

  6. There is a fourth book? Haven’t you read it? It’s called…… And finally. I am sure you do have more questions. But it’s my turn now. You don’t get to ask all the questions and not give someone else a turn. That’s so unfair. My question is this: Which Beth did Rick keep at home in Rick and Morty? Honestly, I’ve watched it like dozens of times and I can’t figure it out. There’s that bit where Rick gets drunk and switches them around so even he doesn’t know. But he’s Rick! He’ll know, won’t he? Love hugs and kisses, The Microbes.

Whatever. Happy Sunday.

Go blow a goat.

Much love

RR Haywood


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