The only rule you will ever need to know about creative writing…
Is.
That.
There.
Are.
No Rules.
“We’re not sure about Ben and the whole mental health thing. It’s depressing. Take it out.” Extracted. (#1 in lots of countries)
We all have mental health. It should be reflected.
If it works. Then it works.
There are no rules.
“Yassy and Kristi having a kiss doesn’t work. They should have a girlie night with some wine and snacks and a good chat.” The Code (#1 Audible and in lots of Amazon charts.)
Defy cliches.
Defy expectations.
There are no rules.
“A doctor would never behave like that! That’s so unprofessional. Re-write it and take all the dick jokes out!” A Town Called Discovery (#1 for over 12 weeks)
When it feels dull turn the outrage dial and go nuts.
It’ll either work.
Or it won’t.
There are no rules.
"It’s not funny. Why are they singing the theme song from Cheers when they almost died? People don’t joke about in those situations.” Delio (massive bestseller in lots of charts)
Gallows Humour.
Black Humour.
Dark Humour.
Either laugh or have a breakdown.
Sometimes you do both.
Life is weird.
But it’s still better than being po-faced.
There are no rules.
“You can’t switch perspectives. It’s either first person or third. Pick one!” The Undead (Every book since Day Thirteen has been a bestseller)
Switch Perspectives on every page.
He. It. She. Me. Them. We. They. I. You.
Go blow a goat.
There are no rules.
“The Gabriella chapter doesn’t work. Take the whole thing out.” Delio.
It will either work.
Or it won’t work.
There are no rules.
“You can’t write in first person present tense and not explain how the person is narrating the story! You have to make it clear it’s a diary or an account.” The Undead.
Rules are for people that can’t create things.
People who need to be told when to eat and poop.
Write however you please you saucy sausage.
Cos there ain’t no rules.
“Your grammar and sentence structure are awful!” The Code
Success intimidates people.
It reminds them of their own failures.
Especially when they’re educated & entitled.
But fuck ‘em.
There are no rules.
“Never start a sentence with And or But or Because!” The Undead
But you can.
And you should.
But they won’t like it.
And so you definitely should.
Because there are no rules
“You can’t write from an infection’s POV!” The Undead
Write from the POV of a Blue Whale’s giant penis.
Rules are for people that can’t cope with free thought.
Think Freely.
There are no rules.
“You cannot dip into different character’s heads to see how they feel or think! Writing doesn’t work like that.”Delio
Dip in. Dip out.
Go dippy nuts.
Dip your nuts.
There are no rules
“Safa Patel was a victim of abuse. She should be crying and suffering. Why isn’t she crying and suffering? Victims cry and breakdown.” Extracted.
Some people refuse to be victims in the way you want them to be.
There are no rules.
“Professional soldiers do not make jokes like that. Military and law-enforcement are always composed and professional. Haven’t you seen any of the detective shows??” Every book I have written
Books are read by people from every walk of life.
Books are edited by people in safe-space bubbles.
Write for the people.
Not the editors.
There are no rules.
“Did you even go to school?” Extracted (miaow!)
A leading literary agent said that to me.
I said no cos I come from poverty.
They went silent then started panicking.
(I did go to school but I was shit at it cos it was boring)
“None of these characters are realistic. They’re all stupid.” Extracted
You’re stupid.
I’m stupid.
Why would characters be any different?
There are no rules.
“Soldiers don’t ever abuse people like that.” The Undead (when Blinky died) & other books exposing similar abuses.
“Undisciplined soldiers and cops given power and weapons and control over others are the fucking worst part of humanity” – said every genocide ever.
(There are no rules)
“The whole dinner party scene with Zhang and his family is pointless. Take it out. It’s not funny.” The Code
Humour is subjective.
A lot of editors live inside hollowed out safe-space avocado shells.
Remember that.
There are no rules.
‘WHY AREN’T YOUR VICTIMS WEAK SO IT’S EASY FOR MY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND?!?!?!”
I made that one up.
But you get my point.
Defy cliches.
Defy expectations.
Be bold. Be different.
Be courageous.
Punch out. Punch up. But never punch down.
Dip into heads.
Switch perspectives.
Start with AND / BUT / BECAUSE
Dippy nuts.
Dip your nuts.
You live in the real world.
Not in a safe space bubble.
Your readers also live in the real world.
Write for them.
It will either work.
Or it won’t work.
And if it doesn’t work.
Then try again.
**Feedback and guidance is essential for growth and development**
**But some will be shit and should be ignored**
**The only thing that helps discern the two is trial and error.**
**This may not be the guide you are looking for**
**If you need rules then go read the big book of rules.**
**(Which will also tell you when to eat and poop)**
Think Freely.
There are no rules.
Much love!
