9th August. The Undead. Mike Humber. FÜNF! Pigeon wars, and incubating a stone.

Another heatwave is coming. Woohoo, he says with absolutely no enthusiasm. I’m a writer. I like rain, and moody grey skies, and cold weather so I can wear my boots and heavy wax jacket, instead of dressing like I’m on hols on the Costa del Sol. Is that still a place? I think we went when I was about 8 years old. Kids were pretty feral back then. We were anyway. My mother and stepfather liked to consume lots of alcohol every evening and then sleep all day. I tried to befriend some German kids. I thought the German word for hello was fünf. I was running after them shouting FÜNF! FÜNF! I didn’t know it was the German word for the number 5. Skinny English kid shouting 5 while his mum and stepdad were in alcohol-induced comas on the sunloungers. Which they’d reserved the evening before (while also drunk) in a mission to prevent the German grown-ups from stealing all the sunbeds.

It’s been as full-on as ever here in the Haywood pigeon household. I say that cos the pigeons I collected from Birmingham, that a wonderful lady called Emma had rescued and saved from certain death, have been with me for a while now and are fully settled in. Which translates to this is now their house and they are (begrudgingly) letting me and the dogs share facilities. On the basis that A, I continue to feed and clean them, and B, the dogs protect them from any and all predators. It’s all a bit symbiotic.

They are fascinating though. Their room has one shelving unit on the left, and two on the right. Scratch had always had the mid-levels of the shelving, and the centre floor space. He bonded with Marcy, and so she also now occupies that space.

Big Sleepy (boy)(does the biggest pigeon poops I’ve ever seen) and Manbird (lady)(gives me the most karate wing slaps I’ve ever had) took over the top level of the two shelving units, and the top of the boiler.

That left Big Bendy (boy) and Rosie Dozie (lady) to take over the left side shelving. They each have their own feeding and water station, and there is a big water bowl in the middle for them to share for bathing. But they frequently do incursions into each other’s territories, which causes all sorts of dramas. They have tons of space each, but they still want to eat each other’s food, drink from the other bowls, and be in each other’s space. But then they’ll all use the big bowl together, or potter about the house together. Fascinating how they function. Very much like people with equal parts gorgeousness while being f*ckwits.

Scratch and Marcy had two eggs, but that was very soon after the rescue. They didn’t fertilise. So after about 20 days they get abandoned and they start the mating process again. Big Bendy and Rosie Dozie have an egg. We’ll see if that hatches. Big Sleepy and Manbird are currently incubating a stone. Which also probably gets abandoned very soon.

I took in a baby sparrow after the finder was directed my way by the vets. The nest had fallen from a roof. Two siblings had died and the poor thing was in the sun. Only about 7 to 10 days old. I tried all day and night, but it was so dehydrated and weak it passed the next morning. That’s crushing when that happens.

On a lighter note, the main bulk of my working time has been spent with Mike Humber book 3. Currently titled BAITED. It’s already about halfway through, and going well. Gethin Anthony (all-round superstar actor and awesome guy and the narrator for the audio books) has scripted it into a TV show and is currently working hard to develop it. Here he is looking devishly handsome at a recent Game of Thrones Convention.

The Undead Part Two came out on the 6th August, I think. This covers Day Four, Day Five, and Day Six of The Undead main series / The First Seven Days, the whole of which was rewritten (and Day Eight and Day Nine) for these new audio recordings, all being done by the truly magnificent Joe Jameson. He’s so good. Click her for the links: https://rbmediaglobal.com/audiobook/9781004252206/

Have you listened to The Four Worlds of Bertie Cavendish yet? Carl Prekopp and Joe Jameson narrate that together. Oh my dilly dally it’s so good! I’m not a massive audio book person, but I’d recommend that to anyone. Click for links: https://rbmediaglobal.com/audiobook/9781004251414/

And, of course, the 2026 Scavenger Hunt is underway in The Fort FB group. Such good fun seeing the lengths people go to. Amazing commitment.

Righto. I’m gonna go see if any igloos are for sale and carry on writing in between undertaking peace talks to prevent further pigeon wars.

Much love!